Bree!

With the added stress of classes being more demanding (and having more whining in them) this semester. And Mouses moving to Mondays. And just freaking stressed out by personal interactions with people. And worried about stepping on toes and pissing people off and the blah blah blah of everything. As well as work becoming more demanding, and the need to meet more people, becasue I’m tired of friends with no time or being the only single person, or just being judged in general. And my medical problems. I am going underground a little while. I will be still posting on my blog. And still updating flickr. And occasionally updating facebook. But in the flesh Im withdrawing. I kinda give up. I need to do well in my career and in grad school and I have never been socially functional in alot of things and its something I want to ignore for now…

If you need me… call or email. Otherwise Ill prolly see in eventually.

Friday

5-6 pm @work

6:30-8 dinner and reading fun things

8-10 Homework

10-11 BSG!!!

11-12 homework

12 Bed

Saturday

7:30 pissed off Im up on a saturday morning

8:15 leaving for class.

9- 4 Class at U Mass about Journalism and Politics

4-6 Costco

6-7 Dinner

7-10 Homework

10-11 Hot bath.

11 Bed and pissed off I am in bed before midnight on a saturday

Sunday

7:30 Pissed off again that I am up before noon

8:15 Leave for class

9-2 Class at U Mass

3- Pick Sato up at airport

3:30-12 Fun with Sato!!

12:30 Bed

Monday

7:45 up and wondering where my weekend went.

its going to keep me very busy this semester. Once class I have 3 papers a final and a group project. The other class I have a homework assignment every week. And I have 2 weekend tutorials. oy.

I found out that the idiot in my class has a 4.0

this makes me angry.

Makes me mostly angry because I know I am smarter than him, I just really need to focus. Writing has never come easy to me. How did I manage to get into a job and grad school that is writing intensive is beyond me.

Suck it up Bree. Suck it up. Bitching isn’t going to help.

not the bad days, its the good days that get you. When you are at the bottom of a swing you really just cope and evenutally things start to get better. Its the down swing that kills.

Or maybe its the oscillation.

I spent the entire day in bed. Yesterday I slept in as long as I could. I drove V to pick up her car. I went shooting. I watched some battlestar. Its amazing to me that the most depressing show makes me feel better.

I also realized that before I dated duncan I was a badass. I miss being a badass.

I have class tonight, and I have to swing by the bursars office before I get there. oy.

I am a little nervous, its mostly becasue I don’t want to screw up. And I still havent heard back from the dean about the grade I am protesting; so I should see if she is in before I head over to class too. And I should also swing by the bookstore.

My first all weekend class is Feb 7th and 8th. I know I just need to get back into the groove of things, and I need to really sort out what I want to do for my thesis.

Sigh.  Its cold, I didnt sleep well last night.  I’m just going to whine. Its my blog I can whine if I want to right? WHHHHHHHINE. There I feel a little bit better.

Ok, my boss is excusing me a little bit early so I can take care of that stuff. Off I go.

When i get restless I change my hair. This weekend, I ended up with a razor cut and 4 colors. It was the most Ive ever spent on my hair. Im still getting used to being able to style it on my own and getting used to blonde being in there along with red.

Sigh. Grad school starts tonight, and with that I might end up pulling out what little is left of my hair.

Im nervous and screeered.

btw. Had date saturday night. did not go well. Will not be dating again for a long time. Apparently I really am undateable.

So this weekend was filled mostly with sleeping and shoveling.
Seriously.
I didnt get anything done that I wanted to.
And Im not sure how this happened but I have 7 days until classes start up again.

Sigh.

But hey, this weekend when I have time I’ll make it pretty.

So I am convinced that I am going to get fired, and I am convinced that Im going to fail out of grad school. But what else is new? actually the fear is deeper this time.