Jul
7
the perils of online dating
- July 7th, 2009
me: dude, hope she doesnt get her hopes up on match
V: i started the conversation by talking about your online dating adventures
how you canceled one because her was hardcore REd Sox fan, and I feel that was totally fine
me: not the nazi
?
V: we were talking about recent events
i though she knew about the nazi
plus, hearing that story will keep her from EVER dating online
me: Ha!
what about the guy that took me to target to get diapers
or asked me if my boobs were real
or whats up with the dyke shoes?
or the gay guy who needed a fat girl as a beard
V: shhhhhhhhhhh
me: or the guy who just got out of prison!
or the guy who “emergency phone called me”
or the “I thought you would be shorter” guy
or jackhammer man
or the guy who “forgot his wallet”
or the guy who just wanted to get maaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrried
V: that is not specific to online dating
you might have run into crazies regardless of the online thing
me: this is true
but
she should be warned
heh
oh and she should also be warned that guys on online dating are shallow and stupid
just like in real life
just quantified better online
“what do you mean I have been viewed 560 times and no one has emailed me, not even a wink”
thats fun
V: i am looking forward to stories
and still waiting for you to write your book
you know, with all that spare time you have.
I am nodding my head in recognition.
for me it was
the guy who told me he had herpes on the first (and last) date, right after he said that I was big, but “not that big.”
the guy who thought lunch meant I owed his a makeout session
the guy who was so disappointed in my looks that he didn’t even take me for the coffee we were meeting for (like he was some sort of fucking prize)
the guy who was so broke that he brought a bag of apples to the DOLLAR cinema movie we went to see, and then called me later to see if I “wanted to go for a ride” because his grandmother was asleep and he could “take” her car (ya know, or “steal” depending on who you ask)
the guy who claimed to be Mick Jones of the band Foreigner (we never met in person, and to this day I have no idea if was actually him)
or
the guy that I spent HOURS on the phone with – who I really liked and had hopes for – who turned out to be MARRIED….
Yeah, online dating is hell.