Bree!

rinse the corned  beef, massage it with garlic and mustard
put it in a roasting pan, fill the pan half way up with either apple cider or beer, put in a shot of whiskey
cup up onions, parsnips and carrots
put them around in the liquid
cover the meat with mustard and honey and more garlic
cover the roasting pan
put it in the oven for 2 hours on 325

Take some baby potatos. Cut them in hald. parboil. Drain. Pan fry.

No more excuses for stringy pink tough meat with watery mushy potatos.

ugh.

Mostly becasue noting exciting has happened. Ive been doing reading for school and reading for my paper, and homework in statistics, and well playing with my new computer.

I was hoping to go to thest. pat’s day
parade. But I didn’t end up going becasue I didnt want to go alone.

Ive kinda hit a wall of not going to bother planning anything anymore, cuz st. pats, a battlestar party, and dinner with some peeps, no one was around. Just too depressing. So instead I will just keep doing homework, and I will focus on solo adventures. Like museums and movies.

Im just annoyed becasue people expect me to be available, and they never are.

Spending the evening doing statistics homework and getting used to my new keyboard. Its shiny, therefor slippery and hard to read… Its also alot bouncier than my last one..

Ugh. Stats homework is due sunday…. must do stats homework

I was banned from a feminist website today. Jezebel.com thought I was not female friendly.

I do not understand why my package could not be delivered. The delivery address is a UPS Store that is authorized to accept packages for me. And attempt at delivery was made while there was someone working at the counter. So I have to stand in the rain outside a UPS Store for a fedex guy, tomorrow between 4-5? THis is ridiculous and I will not use your service again.

I wore a new shirt to work today, well newish. I had lunch with Ricky. And I think more of it ended up on my shirt than in me. BSG tonight. thank god.

i hate the T. It made me late. Again. Why oh why did you need to stop for no apparent reason in kenmore square this morning?

I bought some new make up last night. I got new tired for the car, since my side wall was buldging.  Im enjoying both today. I didnt realize what a diffrence makeup and new tires could make.

Tonight I have to give a speech on the Community Reinvestment Act, for economics class. yeah Im nervous, I hate speaking in front of people.

Sigh.  Im still in the sigh. maybe the wekend will get better…

A Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

I spent most of the unexpected snow day, sleeping.

Im tired, Ive been really tired lately. I dont know what it is that is causeing me to be so tired.

I thought it was stress with work, but I dont think its that. I thought it might be school. Its not. Maybe the combination of the two that is wearing me down?

I’m not sure. One thing that is wearing me down lately, is the reason I needed to go into hiding. Too many people are asking me to be things I can’t be. And it gets tiring. I don’t know I guess I am tired of being the back up girl. There are days I wonder if I really am meant for anything special. And there are days I really do feel like I make a diffrence in the world, but most days… Most days I just wonder if there will be a change in the vicious cycle I seem to have gotten myself into.

Get up, get dressed, go to work do homework, lather, rinse, repeat.

Its one of the reasons I haven’t been writing here much. Nothing new to report.  My only comfort these days is sleep.

Fight them til you can’t has been my motto so long that its become isolating. I know there has to be more out there, it just seems everytime I try to do something diffrent, i get reminded that I am just the crazy fat chick that people call occassionally when they need a break from thier own routine, or are in distress.  I have put out my own distress call. No one has answered. So I keep truding forawrd. no longer waiting for someone to rescue me from myself. But every movement is a delibrate, slow and painful attempt to rescue myself.

I’m tired of being the in between girlfriends girlfriend. I’m tired of being the one that can be counted on to help. When am I going tog et help? god dammit. When?

Fuck it. Im going back to sleep.