Sleep is the refuge of the tired, not weak, right?
I spent most of the unexpected snow day, sleeping.
Im tired, Ive been really tired lately. I dont know what it is that is causeing me to be so tired.
I thought it was stress with work, but I dont think its that. I thought it might be school. Its not. Maybe the combination of the two that is wearing me down?
I’m not sure. One thing that is wearing me down lately, is the reason I needed to go into hiding. Too many people are asking me to be things I can’t be. And it gets tiring. I don’t know I guess I am tired of being the back up girl. There are days I wonder if I really am meant for anything special. And there are days I really do feel like I make a diffrence in the world, but most days… Most days I just wonder if there will be a change in the vicious cycle I seem to have gotten myself into.
Get up, get dressed, go to work do homework, lather, rinse, repeat.
Its one of the reasons I haven’t been writing here much. Nothing new to report. My only comfort these days is sleep.
Fight them til you can’t has been my motto so long that its become isolating. I know there has to be more out there, it just seems everytime I try to do something diffrent, i get reminded that I am just the crazy fat chick that people call occassionally when they need a break from thier own routine, or are in distress. I have put out my own distress call. No one has answered. So I keep truding forawrd. no longer waiting for someone to rescue me from myself. But every movement is a delibrate, slow and painful attempt to rescue myself.
I’m tired of being the in between girlfriends girlfriend. I’m tired of being the one that can be counted on to help. When am I going tog et help? god dammit. When?
Fuck it. Im going back to sleep.
Sounds like the winter blahs. I think you will feel much better when spring actually arrives (I know I will). And, I think it’s a riot that you refer to me as “Librarian” in your blog roll! Hang in there, Girl.